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Ar'ae Dioncalyon

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[09 Nov 2008|05:45pm]

THIS IS STILL HERE, AHAHAHAHAH. Guess I didn't forget the password after all!

Anyway, my LJ is lordling, so if any of you old people are still alive and stuff, you can find me there!
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o.O [21 Apr 2004|02:39pm]
[ mood | None ]

-yawn- Orchestra trip -- we're going to Cincinnati for a few days, so I'm going to be gone from Thursday to Sunday. Yay for King's Island.

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[18 Apr 2004|07:45pm]
[ mood | None ]

Aa..oops. Been a while since I've updated, sorry.

...will try to make more time.

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^^ [19 Mar 2004|02:47pm]
[ mood | ...normal. Too normal. ]

At festival this year, we got all A's [and that's including the A+'s and A-'s, by the way] and a B -- a frickin' B! And we have no idea how that happened, too, because the judge gave us three A+'s, an A, and a B. It wasn't even a B+, either.

Needless to say, our teacher was rather annoyed.


It's been alternately snowing and not snowing. I think--personally--I'd rather have it snow and keep snowing so that we'd be able to go skiing/snowboarding or something. =_=


...at school right now, since my mom won't be picking us up for another hour and a half. T____T Am hungry.

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[06 Mar 2004|11:39am]
[ mood | Buuusssyyy... ]


Today will be a busy day, although I didn't really wake up until ten in the morning -- and that's strange for me, because I usually wake up at nine at the latest, even if I went to sleep late.

I will be taking the Chinese SAT II at 1 PM today because our Chinese school has this [new] policy that all ninth graders must take it or else they won't be able to graduate. And what else sucks is that they raised it: now, you have to be in tenth grade to graduate. I swear, it was ninth grade before...

And of course, it's going to go until almost four o'clock, and then I have to run for it and catch the second half of my tennis class... get home at five-thirty, chill out, eat dinner, then go off to another tennis session.

...how fun.

Not to mention, I have to post at four rpg's.


I bought Neverwinter Nights a few days ago, and I couldn't really figure out why it wasn't working because my system met all the requirements. I found out, though... because I installed it on my friend's computer and it worked there. Apparently, I need a new video card...

So now I know the cd isn't broken, heh. Got to get the video card sometime soon..

I also bought that guitar, except one of the strings broke and I have to buy a new one. Strange thing is, my violin string popped, too. T__T;;


I was afraid of the conferences that we had on Thursday evening. My grades were somewhat like...

Government/Civics: A-
Biology: B+
Orchestra: A
Algebra 2 Honors: B-
Latin 2: A
Lit./Comp. Honors: B

That's like... B's in half of my classes. The biology one I wasn't worried about, because it was about four-tenths of a point away from an A-, but... the other ones. ;_____;

But it turns out that my dad went out shopping for a guitar instead, and decided not to go to conferences. I have to raise those grades before the end of the marking period. BUT-- I got a 92 on the math quiz we had yesterday. Yes yes yes! *hugs math teacher* Factoring...ew. ^^


Hmmm, anyone here ever played Diablo 2? I haven't played lately, but I play reg. -- non-xpac, and I only have one person I know to keep me company there...


I'm off to lunch now... got to eat so I won't be starving during the SATs.

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Eh.. [28 Feb 2004|10:18am]
[ mood | awake ]

I was thinking about taking guitar lessons, just sort of a beginning class. But... kind of stuck on whether to buy a classical or contemporary guitar. So.. what do you think? Nylon strings or steel strings?

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x_X [22 Feb 2004|12:58pm]
Hm.. the break wasn't necessarily bad. I got bored because there wasn't anything to do, but I'm sure most of us wish that they gave us another week.

My brain hurts. T_T Or, to put it in usual terms, I have a migraine and I'm still sitting in front of the computer because there's nothing else to distract me. The two hours of tennis yesterday did something to the back of my right leg... and then I was stupid and impulsive enough to go and play DDR right afterwards. If I do go snowboarding today, I probably won't for long.

Hmm, I'm tired. 'Night.
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... x_X [16 Feb 2004|12:36pm]
Yes, definitely a character idea. Watch out, Centerworld!
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..>_> [16 Feb 2004|09:08am]
[ mood | better ]

Many thanks to the two people who commented below; you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

Gah, Steph, you're right-- I wasn't even thinking about Decadence when I left Centerworld. It was just...really messed up. Firefly--you're right, too. My timing is just...horrible beyond belief.

Looking down at THAT post... wow, I really lost all my eloquence, didn't I. oO" I would also like to thank Kana for, eh... accidentally being in the way when I burst into hysterics, and to Gia, who came in later and caught a small trickle of it. ^^; gee, and I've only known her for three days.

;___; I don't want to really hope, but the ironic thing is, Lacey and I are on very good terms. I don't remember how that got fixed, but we talk and all..

I feel a lot better this morning. And you know what? I was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep because (listen to this) my nose and eyes were hurting, X_X; and I got this character idea.

x.x Fate is such a fickle thing.

-- would also like to thank Rae, who found me online this morning and decided that I needed help. o____O

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... [15 Feb 2004|07:46pm]
[ mood | royally screwed ]

This is a mess.

People dying left and right. Literally.


Trying to make everyone happy-

but know what? I failed.

I'm sorry Draye. I'm sorry that I hurt you, for everything I've ever done to make you feel bad even though even I don't know everything. But it hurts-- it hurts to know that I can just keep apologizing--more heartfelt than any real-life friend I've ever apologized to--and you won't believe me. You won't listen, and that hurts. What more, why would I ever matter to you? I read your journal-- there're always those people you thank for listening to you, talking to you, and I'm always off to the side, feeling useless--like I just don't exist. You won't see this: you never even visit my journal. I'm just another person you used to talk to online.

..sometimes I think half the people in the world would have killed themselves if it wasn't such a big risk--if it didn't hurt so much to die. I know I would be dead, long dead, if I weren't so afraid. And I would hurt my parents and my friends so much if they knew I cried for almost an hour over someone I didn't really know and then tried to kill myself.

I admit it, alright? I'm sensitive. I cry at least once or twice a week, although very rarely as I just have. I was a crybaby. I came home everyday from school crying because someone called me short, or insulted me. I'd cry if a teacher said no to an answer, or if I messed up on a speech. I'm not a public speaker; I'm not a leader. All I wanted was for everyone to be happy; for everyone to like me. I CARE what people think of me. I care about their opinions, and many of the people I talk to online matter so much to me. It's true that I hide everything beneath a smile. I smile because I want everyone else to smile. I smile because I don't want anyone to know how much I am hurting inside. Talking about how I feel makes me cry.

Amy, Ya Ya -- you have no idea how much I appreciate the two of you, even though it seems that I just throw some things over my shoulder and don't listen to you. Sophia... I'm sorry. I don't know what to think anymore. Your parents hate me. They think I'm manipulating you... but I'm sure you already know that. Maggie... I trust you, even if your memory is a bit faulty at times, and you lost my cds for half a year--even after that fight we had.

Apologizing to someone to their face is hard for me. It's very difficult for me to wait for their reaction, to see their thoughts in their eyes. I can't bear to have someone hate me. If it's a jerk, or just a plain idiot, then I would mind.. but, like Draye, like Lacey and that incident almost two years ago-- they're all decent people, and I'm glad that Lacey and I became friends again. I value their opinions so very much, and it's so unbearable when I know that they don't like me.

It hurts.

I wanted everyone to have fun. I'm sorry that I quit Centerworld-- but I promised Icey and Kana that I would rejoin when I got a good character idea. And I will. I will rejoin if it's still alive when I return. I will rejoin, but under a different name. It hurts too much to go as myself. Draye would never know that, ever since Ave, I got bored of my characters and had been trying to create a new one, one that I would be able to BE. Draye never reads my journal.

You know what? I look at my buddy list today and wonder how many people have me blocked. Sometimes, when I see someone sign off, I wonder if they really have blocked me and I will never see them again. Sometimes, I wonder how many people on there I haven't seen in ages and will never see again... and I wonder: in a year, how many of these people will still be my friends? how many people will I still be talking to? How many still still BE there? Two years? Five?

I'm young... fourteen. But I've role-played for almost three years, and I feel like it's not enough. I feel like I'm just a beginner. I've had people hate me before, and I guess I should be used to this by now, but I'm not. It still hurts. It still makes me cry, and I feel like a wimp and an idiot. I've seen dozens of rpgs--many of them very dear to me--close, and I've seen even more of them open.

I lost my inspiration for Centerworld, but for the sakes of all the players there, I will be trying to find it. I promise.

I know I quit CW. I didn't mean to make it look like I ran off and started one right after I quit.

But what with the suicide, Steph was so unhappy and all. I remembered that one LJ post she had about making an rpg, and I thought--that was it. I wanted to cheer her up, so I tried to help her recruit. Made a chatroom.. it was chaos in there. Just chaos. No one would listen. And so I stayed. I remained and tried to make order. Was ignored. I tried. We got it in the end, didn't we... but gods, my temper was THIS far from snapping. Most people would have no idea how frustrating it is. I am NEVER going into peer mediating. You can take my word on that.

...I haven't cried like this in ages.

Know what happened? Aubrey came up to me a while ago and told me she reopened Hero's Quest. God--I played there so long ago. Played there because Maggie played there and I wanted to keep her company. I played there, I met Icey there, and I haven't regretted it. Aubrey wanted to know if I could join again, and when I told her I wasn't sure if I could, she said she'd understand if I couldn't.

I love you, Aubrey. Who cares if I've never really said that to you? I love you too, Icey, Kana, Gia, everyone I've ever talked to-- and you as well, Draye, even if you hate me so much now..

And it's so sad, because I know that--away from this, talking to people in real-life, chatting with people online, I'll pretend nothing's ever happened. Sorry, Kana, I guess you just sort of caught the brunt of the crying.. Gia just came along for a sort of an aftershock. In an hour, in a day, a week, a month, or ever--if anything goes wrong, I know I'll just continue pretending that everything is fine. I might cry, but the next day I will be smiling again.

Sometimes I think this is a hard burden to bear.

But it hurts even more to think about, or to talk about it.

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[12 Feb 2004|09:55pm]
[ mood | Sad. ]

Dying seems less sad than having lived too little.
--Gloria Steinem

We'll miss you, Ally. I wish I could have done something.

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^_^ [01 Feb 2004|11:46am]
[ mood | None ]

Whew... got my violin solo, duet, and the Chinese New Year party over with, so I should be a little less, uh, stressed from now on. ^^; so relieved...

I just noticed that my background's not working anymore. Maybe it's something with Boomspeed--I'd better fix that. >__>;;; Otherwise, I'll just change my layout and everything when I have the time.

Starting today or tomorrow, I will be weeding out my friends list and adding a few people, so don't be worried if --*pop*-- a new friend suddenly pops out from nowhere. I just hope that I don't accidentally remove some people. (and yes, I do comment, just been busy for the last few weeks.)

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Tired. [28 Jan 2004|04:44pm]
[ mood | Weary ]

Eh... wow, it's been such a long time since I last updated. =_=;

But yeah, I've been busy, and will be even busier in the next two weeks or so. >.> Why don't I start at the beginning...

Early January, we got AOL DSL, and I was afraid that I was going to have to log onto AOL to use the internet, but fortunately for me, I didn't have to.

Mid-January -- Exams and everything... I got a B(+) on my report card, which really did suck, and it brought my GPA down.

Current news -- Well, I have to memorize a piece for my violin teacher by the end of this, uh, two hour time period. I also have to be able to play a piano accompaniment for our school's Chinese New Year party, which is this Saturday evening--but I have to have it done by Friday, because that is our last rehearsal.

This Saturday, I also have the Solo and Ensemble program I signed up for, which means that, this (Saturday) morning, I have to play two (violin) songs to be evaluated, and one is a duet.

NEXT Saturday, I have two PIANO songs to memorize, because I have another evaluation (Federation, I believe) and I am swamped in school work and such...

Gah, I'm off to play violin... just thought I'd update while I could.

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^___^ [01 Jan 2004|09:20am]
[ mood | Happy ]


Although, on a second thought, my mom is coming home today, so we have to leave at noon. Might not be online for a while, but then, you never know.

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XD [31 Dec 2003|07:33pm]
[ mood | Satisfied ]

I got Hayato to do the "Hayato flail"!

jraizhu: *points* THERE'S A SPIDER ON YOUR HEAD!
jraizhu: >.>_ OVER THERE!
Rurouni Hayato: *screams and runs in the other direction from where your pointing*
jraizhu: <.< *quirks brow* I was only joking. XDD;
Rurouni Hayato: *runs back and skids to a stop* oh... >.>;;;
jraizhu: =_=" Eh. <.<; =^-^= *innocent*
Rurouni Hayato: *looks around and watches for more spider attacks*
jraizhu: THERE! _<.<" *points*
Rurouni Hayato: banzai~!!!! *attacks the pointed place*
jraizhu: n.n; ...joking.
jraizhu: oh my god, look over there~! >.>_ A HUGE ONE!
jraizhu: [[ x.x ]]
Rurouni Hayato: *brings out mighty shovel of dooooooooom* DIE~!!!!
jraizhu: T____T apparently, Hayato does not get the meaning of a joke.
jraizhu: uh. _<.<; You might want to look that way, though...? oO"
Rurouni Hayato: *looks the other way* oro?
jraizhu: *smacks* XDD; ^^;
jraizhu: ...there was one on your head. oO"
Rurouni Hayato: getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff ~!!!!!!
jraizhu: *smacks again* It won't come off!!!!
jraizhu: *grabs a stick and readies* >.>/ Don't move!
Rurouni Hayato: *freezes!*
jraizhu: *THWAPS* ...there we go. -innocent smile-
jraizhu: ...or it might have gone down your shirt. That can always happen.
Rurouni Hayato: *wobbles around with swirly eyes* nani~~? @_@
jraizhu: Well, uhh. >.>_ *pokes* I don't see a dead spider, so it has to be somewhere, right? x_X oops.
jraizhu: AA! Gomen!
Rurouni Hayato: *rubs head* I guess....
jraizhu: I know! *triumphant*
jraizhu: I know it's there somewhere! *grabs stick and starts thwacking Hayato*
Rurouni Hayato: itetetetetetetetete~!!!!! *flails* _\>.</_

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XD [29 Dec 2003|09:17am]
[ mood | Whee~ ]

Whoo, Gackt is awesome; Gackt is the absolute best. You know he is.

And we all know I love akutsu for those lovely Gackt icons. ^^;

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^^; [27 Dec 2003|04:55pm]
[ mood | happier than before ]


So we got home last night, and my dad was a bit annoyed because our internet was still working (he cancelled it before we left to ski). He called them this morning, and they said they were working on it.

So, it turns out that I might be around for...up to a couple of days. ^__^;;

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X.X [26 Dec 2003|09:28pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Whee~ I'm back!

I am sore all over from snowboarding (and falling), but it was fun, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Bad news, though... My dad is getting rid of our cable internet tomorrow morning. *gasp* He's thinking about replacing it with AOL DSL, but that won't be very soon, so I will most likely be gone for another few days.

A (belated) Merry Christmas to all~!

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[23 Dec 2003|09:39am]
Leaving in an hour or two... will not be posting for a couple of days.
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oO" [22 Dec 2003|11:27am]
[ mood | anxious ]

Eck. Well, nothing much to say this time. The Algebra 2 quiz we took on Friday was with a partner, fortunately for me. ^^; the teacher said that it was a Christmas present for us all. ^___^; Aimi and I worked together; we got a 48/50.

I wonder what we got wrong. oO"

Meanwhile, our FPS group has been working on our Future Problem Solving packet. Most of the group, anyways. Fireclaw-chan was only here for the brainstorming part... she's off skiing up north, now, and we will be following her in a day or so.

Eeh...firefly... I need you to bring the solution ideas to my house or something so that we can combine them. Aimi is going shopping for ski equipment (winter coat, gloves, hat, etc.), and she says that she has been...banned from doing FPS. But we need to put the solution ideas together so that Aimi can do her part.



To everyone out there that I know in real-life: I hope you liked your Christmas presents. 'liyah-chan, I will be getting yours to you when we join you at Shanty Creek.


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